As parents, we often revisit memories without giving it much thought. “Remember when we got caught in the rain?” “Remember that giant turtle on vacation?” “Remember how nervous you felt before soccer?” Many of us think these conversations are simply about remembering the past. But fascinating research on joint reminiscing suggests something much bigger may be happening.
Developmental psychologist Robyn Fivush’s work on joint reminiscing shows that when parents and children revisit experiences together, they help children develop far more than memory. These shared conversations shape emotional understanding, autobiographical memory, identity, self-awareness, and social understanding. In other words, we are not just helping children remember what happened—we are helping them make sense of life.
Why Joint Reminiscing Fits So Naturally With RDI
This aligns beautifully with what we focus on in Relationship Development Intervention (RDI®). Parents become guides who help children create meaning from experiences. We slow down. We notice together. We share our perspectives. We co-regulate. We help children connect events to emotions and experiences to understanding. Parents become what Dr. Gutstein often describes as trusted autobiographers. Children do not automatically organize experiences into meaningful stories—that ability develops gradually through thousands of shared moments with trusted guides.
The Elaborative Style: What It Teaches
When parents revisit experiences using an elaborative style, children begin learning to ask:
- What happened?
- How did we experience it?
- What did we notice?
- How did others experience it?
- How did it affect us?
- What might we think differently next time?
One Conversation Tests. The Other Builds Thinking.
Notice the difference between “Did you have fun at Grandma’s house?” and “I keep thinking about when Grandma brought out those huge strawberries. I noticed your face looked surprised because they were so much bigger than the ones we usually buy. I was wondering what you were thinking.”
One interaction checks for information. The other builds thinking. One tests. The other invites. One seeks a correct answer. The other co-creates meaning.
Why This Matters Especially for Autistic Children
For many autistic children, revisiting experiences can be especially important because life often moves quickly. Experiences happen, but they may not always be deeply processed without support. Slowing down afterward and revisiting experiences together can help children notice patterns, recognize emotions, compare similarities and differences, appreciate perspectives, and build greater self-awareness.
It Fits Into Everyday Life
The beauty is that this does not require therapy materials, flashcards, or extra time. It can happen while driving, walking the dog, at bedtime, over dinner, while looking through vacation photos, or while laughing over something silly that happened that morning. The ordinary moments are often where the most important developmental work happens.
Because perhaps we are not simply helping children remember events. We are helping them build a story about themselves and their place in the world—and that story gets written one shared moment at a time.
Want to weave more of these moments into daily life? Explore how RDI supports connection and communication, or get in touch to learn more.
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