Flexible Thinking Is Built Through Meaningful Everyday Experiences

As parents, we naturally spend a lot of time thinking about the skills we want our children to develop. We celebrate learning to communicate wants and needs, complete routines independently, regulate emotions, or gain new abilities. Those things absolutely matter. But underneath all of those visible skills is another layer of development that often gets missed: helping children become flexible thinkers.

From an RDI perspective, our goal is not simply to help children perform specific behaviors or memorize isolated skills. We are working toward the development of Dynamic Intelligence — the ability to think flexibly, adapt to changing situations, manage uncertainty, solve problems, and continue learning throughout everyday life. 

When you think about your own day, flexibility is happening constantly, even if you hardly notice it. You wake up and realize you’re out of toothpaste, your route changes because of traffic, dinner plans shift, or someone says something you weren’t expecting. Throughout the day your mind is making ongoing adjustments. You are taking in new information, filtering out what no longer fits, reconsidering options, and creating a new plan.

Researchers describe cognitive flexibility as an important part of executive functioning. It includes things like inhibiting automatic responses, shifting attention, filtering out irrelevant information, and considering multiple possibilities before deciding on a course of action. Put more simply, flexible thinking is the ability to move away from a rigid idea, adjust when new information comes in, and find a “best fit” solution rather than assuming there is only one correct answer.

For many autistic individuals, flexibility can be more difficult. Interestingly, research from Stanford suggests that this challenge may extend beyond outward behavior and into how the brain itself shifts and adapts. Researchers found that children with autism demonstrated less flexibility in switching between rest and active task engagement, and this difference was associated with greater repetitive and restrictive behaviors. While parents often see rigidity, insistence on sameness, or repetitive behaviors, there may be much more happening underneath the surface than simple resistance or unwillingness.

This matters because it changes the question we ask. Instead of asking, “How do I stop this behavior?” we begin asking, “How do I help build the developmental foundations that support flexibility?”

That is where meaningful everyday experiences become so powerful.

RDI approaches development differently because we recognize that flexible thinking is not built through endless prompting, repeated drills, or rushing children toward the right answer. Flexible thinking develops through shared experiences with trusted guides where children have opportunities to slow down, think, wonder, experiment, and discover.

One of the goals in RDI is helping children develop a growth-seeking mindset and become more comfortable approaching uncertainty with curiosity rather than avoidance. We want children to gradually develop the habit of slowing down to consider options instead of immediately searching for certainty or relying on someone else to provide an answer.

Think about something as ordinary as cleaning up a spill in the kitchen. It would be easy to immediately hand your child a towel and direct them exactly what to do. An RDI approach might look a little different. Instead, you might pause and wonder out loud: Hmm… I wonder what would work best here? A sponge? Paper towel? Dishcloth? You might slowly think through possibilities together and take a playful “try and see” approach.

The goal is not getting the right answer. The goal is helping children experience the process of considering possibilities, trying ideas, adjusting, and discovering what works. 

Over time, these small experiences begin to add up. Packing a lunch, choosing which kitchen tool works best, finding different ways to carry groceries, figuring out how to reach something on a shelf, or exploring multiple routes to the park suddenly become much more than routine tasks. They become opportunities to practice flexibility.

These moments may seem ordinary, but they are doing important developmental work. Children are learning that there can be multiple pathways, multiple ideas, and multiple possibilities. They begin experiencing uncertainty as something manageable rather than something threatening. They develop the habit of considering multiple options before actions.  

As guides, we are not simply teaching children what to think. We are helping them learn how to think. We are helping them become curious explorers, resilient problem-solvers, and growth-seeking learners who can adapt when life inevitably asks them to create a Plan B, C, or even D. 

Because ultimately, building a flexible mind does not happen during one therapy session or one carefully planned activity. It happens gradually through thousands of meaningful moments shared together in everyday life. That is often where the deepest development takes place.

Want to learn how to do this in everyday life?

Join me for my upcoming free webinar: Beyond Behavior: Building a Flexible Thinking Brain Through Meaningful Everyday Experiences. Together we’ll explore practical and simple ways to turn ordinary moments — cooking dinner, running errands, solving small problems, walking together, and navigating daily routines — into powerful opportunities for growth.

You’ll walk away with a new lens for understanding flexible thinking and concrete ideas you can begin using right away with your child.

I would love for you to join me.

👉 Register here

About the Author

Lisa Palasti is the Director of RDI® Professional Training in Canada, a certified RDI® Consultant, and a veteran RDI® parent of two sons. She is passionate about helping families create meaningful, mindful connections that foster well-being, independence, and quality of life.